Step One - Your first bite of the elephant

You have the ability and strength to control this addiction. But not alone.

Ah – the first step, the first step of any journey is always the hardest. Putting your gym kit on, lurching out of bed, day 1 of a diet, the first few weeks with a baby, in an interview, new job, new car. New anything. This will be a new set of experiences from you and I want you to start from a position of strength and power. In that regard I believe this differs from the 12 AA steps.

I believe you DO have the power and strength to control your addiction. As a HFA I don’t doubt that you have already overcome great feats in your life, achieved things others thought not possible, scaled heights you never dreamed of in work, sport, music, family. You might have a huge family, a high power career, be a specialist, or you might just excel at being you but what is unique about you is your ability to function to a “normal” level whilst also coping with an addiction which is slowly and surely taking you over. You are diminished, you may not feel it right not because the bills might be paid, promotions might be coming in, acclaim etc but you are diminished. You know this too. You know, or you suspect, that without the alcohol you could be capable of more. Actually for some of you that fear – the fear that without it you might be capable but NOT achieve may actually be part of the reason for your continuing.

Maybe it’s prudent here to talk about how you know you have a problem; because you know. If you have lied, been secretive, ignored concerns, hidden evidence or have altered your life to allow continued drinking in any way you have a problem.

So here’s what we know; you are capable, you have a problem. Think about how you solve other problems in your life – what do you normally do? My guess is you seek help. High functioning people are capable of working in teams because you cannot function at this level in society without being a team player and professionally I suspect you have no issues with admitting where your sphere of excellent starts and finishes. You cannot fix this problem or you would have done so now. It’s possible you have developed coping mechanisms – so these might look like “I don’t drink Mon-Thurs”, or “Dry January” – you might even hear yourself saying I can go without it for a week so I don’t have a problem. Unpack though – if the only reason you can go without is because you know it’s time limited you have an issue. Right now think about never consuming an alcoholic drink again in your life? Going out for dinner and drinking water or juice, avoiding bars, coming home from work and having a cup of tea…..experience that life and now imagine experiencing it forever. How are you feeling? Confident? Scared witless? Like you want to show me you can do it? Some of those emotions are helpful – but if you feel confident then do it, you don’t need this help.

So you are capable, you have a problem, you cannot fix it yourself….SEEK help. It doesn’t really matter where this help comes from but the help needs to be focussed on two things; sobriety and the causes of the addiction. You cannot long term fix one without also addressed the second.

If you have money get a therapist, join AA, speak to your GP, find a sympathetic experienced family member or friend to sponsor. Admit that you cannot do this alone and know that admission is the strongest and best decision you may make in relation to your sobriety. The NHS, if in the UK, is an incredible organisation that can help you on your journey – however, you might find the help more suited to LFA than your needs which is why you might need to supplement this help with your own. You don’t need to make a song and dance out of this, or any of it actually, you might journey through your recovery in a very bumpy way which is fine. As my Dad says it’s about eating the elephant a bit at a time. Take one bite.