12 Years No Answers

I lost my mum over a decade ago - I realised that there were so many things I wish I could have asked her that it might be fun to write them down. It wasn't fun. I cried. A lot. I cried because there are some things you can ONLY ask a mum, I cried because even years on it's still sad that I bought my wedding dress on ebay - I loved the dress, but that wasn't what I wanted but because what I wanted wasn't possible I settled for what I could manage.

And then I stopped being sad, the tide subsided and it did show me how much counsel I took from her and I probably didn't even realise, it also made me realise that no matter the question the response would have been the same most of the time. I love you and it will be okay and you will make good choices.

Because that's what proper love is about amongst other things - nurturing people to grow as far as they can in life with love. I was so lucky to get 26 years with this amazing woman and I will write plenty more about grief because it's an ugly business.