Never going back ....

I’m not going back …………..there I said it. Have you been thinking it? Maybe you have and maybe you share some of my reasons for why.

Lockdown is lifting and whilst many people are very happy for that for very good reasons, it’s actually caused me a slight sense of panic. There are things I’ve missed of course there are – but there is so much I have gained from lockdown and I realised over the last two weeks I’m ready to guard these with everything I have…I’m not “going back”….you know unless I have too of course.

Weekday Schedule

5.45 wake up, car packed, gym kit on.

6.15 arrive at gym for 30 min workout, shower, 45 min drive to work,

7.30 arrive at work and eat breakfast either in the car or at my desk or at a table, on my own.

Work – often in one office but some occasional work travel.

12:00 Lunch usually at my desk – sometimes with colleagues, (and this I DO miss).

16:00 Leave work to avoid a double the time commute. 50 minute commute.

17.00 arrive home, cook dinner, unpack bags

17.45-18.00 eat with family,

18.00 spend an hour with my son whilst my husband does cleaning tidying and housework.

19.00 bed time for son and husband goes out to the gym for an hour.

20. 00 I spend 30 minutes making my lunch and breakfast for the following day, packing my work clothes and gym clothes, have a bath,

8.30-9.00 check emails, social media, watch some crap on tv.

10:00 bed.

My husbands looked about the same just replace commute to work with commute to nursery and work with study.

We also managed my husband working away from home every week for anything between 1 and 3 days a week, and on these days at a minimum he would do 6 hours commute.

Weekends were not much different – 08:00 on a Saturday to attend Weight Watchers, followed by a swim, walk round the town, maybe some lunch in a cheap brand restaurant, home after lunch to find a few hours to do nothing, then dinner bed and repeat on a Sunday just with Church instead of Weight Watchers.

What coupled this lifestyle was this – a HUGE amount of pressure. If I was spending time with my children I was worried that I would be “missing” a chore or part of my routine, spending time at the gym or packing my bags made me feel like I wasn’t investing in my family and my marriage. Was I really spending time with anyone?? Where was I in all of this …..most of the time squeezed into a few hours a week spent either zoning out to a box set or aimlessly walking the high streets.

Enter LOCKDOWN. Everything went virtual and I gained 14 hours a week – 14 hours – that’s TWO work days of time, but I also gained so much more.

Lockdown Schedule

06:00 Wake up and exercise at home.

07:00 Breakfast with my family on plates and hot not Tupperware and reheated.

07:30 – 08:30 – play with my son or talk to my husband or do some writing.

08:45 – Work

12:00 Lunch with my husband on a plate not Tupperware.

17:00 finish work.

17:30 – dinner with my family, home cooked most nights.

18:00 play with my son – painting, track, whatever he wants, occasional social engagements.

18:30 – Husband gym

19:00 – Bed time for son

20:00 FREE TIME – still have washing up to do but this is easier to do on the go during the day and no packed lunches and packed clothes to get ready for the next day.

22:30 Bed time.

I’ve still done weight watchers, online, in my pj’s some weeks, I’ve still done church and the gym and social time with my friends and family. I’ve also found time to do more exercise. I’ve done my hours at work and I’ve found time for a hobby – this blog.

Yes I do miss my colleagues, I finally work with a team of people I really really like and I miss the laughs, we still have them via Teams of course but it’s not the same – but do I need that 5 days a week every week – absolutely not.

I miss my friends a lot too, and I do miss my family but they are all miles away and I’ve actually spent more time with my extended family during lock down than I did before so that’s yet another plus.

I have NO pressure any more – I can spend as much time as I want with my son or doing anything I want actually, including working and I do – and the result – everyone in my household is happier, healthier, more stable and there is I would say 80% less friction and stress in our home because we are not spending so much time managing diaries and commitments.

My husband is like a new man – he doesn’t have to spend his time literally breaking his back to travel all over the country and is able to focus on the things in life he loves – parenting and studying.

So what I am saying, what I am saying is that through all of this with my eye on the future and change and what’s important I have done an inventory of what actually matters to me as a result of having time to work on some personal development. Maybe you can do the same? Here’s my summary:

v Family: Quality time with my family – I chose my husband because I love him, I choose my friends for the same reason. Spending good time with them is one of the best things I can do with my time and makes me a happier and healthier human being. Quality time does not just mean no phones, it also means no agenda and no rushing. My friends value me, support me and have helped me take some incredibly brave and bold steps during lockdown – and this has helped me be more balanced at home and at work.

v Progress: Living an unhurried life does not mean I won’t achieve it just means I’ll be happier and less stressed when I do. It also means I’m spending my time a lot more focussed than before because I’m having time to think strategically about my actions – work and home!

v Technology: Virtual is good enough for almost everything but NOT everything. Weight watchers is fine virtually. Some work meetings are not. Seeing my family every week is way better than not seeing them for months at a time because of distance or diaries but there is NO substitute for a bear hug from my brother and there never will be.

v Time: You do have some choices about how you spend your time, but not always as many as you would like. You can make sacrifices to spend time on the things you value, family and progress, and this will be time well spent.

v Money: I have spent far less during lock down largely as a result of not going to Harvesters, Morrisons café, and fuel of course. I have missed some of that and I look forward to going out again when things are open and a little calm but again I need to spend time thinking about the why and the value of that experience. My time and money are precious, and I can choose where to invest them.

Of course if my employer says I have to go back in 5 days a week that’s what I will do but at least I will know now what is really important to me and I can use that knowledge to make sensible decisions in the future.

How did I get to this point:

1. Look at your diary from say January/February – what things have you genuinely missed doing?

2. Think about life coming back online in exactly the same way – what feels like a chore but is actually something you could drop? What would happen if you did? When you think of something and you get that slight quicken of your heart, maybe you feel a little sad or a lot sad about doing it, do you really need to do it? Why does it make you feel this way – which of your values is it not in alignment with and how can you get it there?

3. What during the last few months has brough you so much joy you feel an overwhelming sense of sadness or panic at the thought of “losing” it? Is there a way you can keep it, or a part of it and return to normal.

Whatever happens will happen of course – some things we cannot control, but I for one know that if I want to keep this happier, healthier and more balanced version of myself at least I have the beginnings of a blue print. I realise for some lock down has been awful and they cannot wait to get back to life before but I would still urge people even in that circumstance to think about what specifically has been awful – what have you desperately missed and what has not been as bad. I’ve seen friends and families thrive in the last few months – I’ve also seen our planet take a deep sigh of relief as the humans hibernate and Mother Nature has a chance to fight back for once – we can all do our part to only go back to what was important to us!